Getting the Fuck Out

So after Bordeaux we headed down to the Cote. Tempers were short, attitudes were poor, tensions were simmering, the only thing we could do for the week was head to the greatest coast in the world and recharge our batteries.

For all those who don't know the Cote De Azur streches from St Tropez to Menton just off the Italian border and inclueds Cannes, Antibes, Nice, Eze and Monaco. We chose a camp site just outside of Cannes which was only 500 metres from the beach- a result. We had the perfect week on the coast holiday (right till the end) time on the beach, a few day trips, and a couple of Nice (sic) dinners.

Tuesday night we had dinner at The Festival (we were tourists...) in Cannes, the tax man will eventually see a claim for this one (thank christ Fuc and Cheese are clients) as we went a little bit silly.

Wednesday we went down to Marsaille to get the QF tickets and then did a quick tour of St Tropez, which was a little disapointing but did have a cool sailing regatta on (seriously 1000 yachts on the harbour) (look for TGO sporting a Voile St Tropez shirt (Dav get your French transaltor out)) (how am I going with the paranthesis in this post?). Thursday we did the day trip to Monaco - Fuc and Ness were suitably wowed by Cafe de Paris, The Fairmont, and the Casino Monte Carlo. I however was a little miffed when I went to the Ranier III complex for a quick dip and big yellow ducked behind the clouds, also bringing a downer to the day was when Fuc cleaned house on the black jack tables and Ness cleaned house on the messy Dayz express poker tournament... seriously she had three buy in's and then managed to fluke a victory at the end of the night - she may have won 50 bucks, but it only cost me 5 - that's how many times she and Rhys brought back in.

Anyways, Friday was the end of our perfect week in the coast so we hit the beach for some serious getting our Tans on. Late in the afternoon we realized that it was our last night in the South of France, so was our last chance to have a night out with Cheese (for like years I am talking about- he is never coming home), So where were we? right the Friday night, last chance for the Kloss, Cheese and TGO show to reconnect for years. We decided for Cannes as the scene of our freakout, and a freak out it was. I decided to wear my EMO outfit just too set the tone for the evening, when we walked into Mac Dee's Cannes and their were a bunch of teenage punks waiting in line they couldn't believe the figure I was cutting.

We started with a quaint Irish bar, but quickly grew tired of that when Super T and Charlie showed up so we headed for Tantra, a far too cool club just off the main tourist strip that aided us in our campaing to go insane. Crystal and shots flowed in a way that isn't appropriate for out of work bums who are driving a camper around Europe. It was seriously the most rock n roll we have ever achieved. There was champagne drunk from the magnum, champaigne poored over girls clevages, shots poured down randoms throats, grindings from whores with stripper bodies, and much dancing on tables/seats. For the full effect I will throw to my notes:

"Kloss just used the Ari Gold hurricane hand gesture 4 doubling up on a magnum of Krystal; Uncle Charlie is circling the block in his hired Puegot 306 waiting, just waiting, for another victim; Fuc and Super T are dancing on their seats, Fuc dances like a dream; Cheese is lost to us, girls throughout the club are wondering what does 'Do you want to see my Galley?' mean (ed: he's a chef on a super yacht- work it out); ITs 5 oclock somehere, but its 1 am here, there could be a QF in 13 hours from now, but right now Ness is in too ticht D+G brand new jeans which are crying out for some inappropriatness. More to follow. PS- EMO Bill is on debut."

+ 3 Minutes: " Kloss just skulled from our fresh magnum, fed to him by our police hat wearing waiter, ACDC was briefly pumped over the top of the house crap in respect. I'm asking for a rolex in 45 minutes."

Much Later: "A fucking Sepo promised me pilles in the pisser line, he just stole the birthday girl and her friends out of my arms, Fucking J Lo's people (ed: I didn't get the pills). The lads have broken part of the roof with their hands from too much dancing."

"We've moved on now, Tristan all 6 foot of his fucking frame is talking to Lili (ed: her name was actually Lori), Kloss has usurped me for 'I don't know her name" but Lili works with the Rock, so is cooler (ed: the chicks were production type people in Hollywood). I have been shuffled to third in the pack. Note: When dealing with hollywood types do mention your height and wealth, do not mention Stone Cold Steve Austin or your shorter statuer. Ness says high."

By Kloss: "Dear Lori, I love you so much I cant stand it. I will wear glitter every day to make you happy. I will paint my toenails balck to fulfuil all your sexual fantasys. That is all you have asked of me and that is 'unclear word'. I love you. Always, Kloss."

Hey man look at me rocking out I'm on the radio. So obviously the more astute of you would have realised we moved onto a second club, it was called Le Blitz. they had copius amounts of Glitter on the tables so we spread it all over ourselves, seriously it is a week later and I still have glitter on me. They also had a girl selling shots and lap dances for 10 euros' a steal. Chesse talked our way into a VIP section by telling them we were wallabies- it worked well.

Anyways, eventually the night came to an end- as they all do, it was dawn. We left the club around 5 and decided to go for a swim when we got back to the campsite. The sun wasn't up so we decided to get naked. Fuc set a record for the longest nudie run ever, I don't know how the 1.2 km round trip from the campsite to the beach and back took us 90 minutes, we only swam for 5 of those minutes, but if anyone can claim to a longer nudey run, in public, I doff my cap to them. Eventually we went to bed 7:30.

90 minutes later we were up and driving to Marsaille, 150 km's doesn't seem too long the night before but when your bus ways 4.5 tonnes and you are still drunk from the biggest night of your life, its a hellish trip.

Anyways, not much happened after that, I think some rugby was played, who really knows, I know the AB's LOST, that's right LOST, they CHOKED, the Wallabies were beaten by the reigning champs, the AB's lost to the monkey's who struggled to beat the Irish, that's right the Irish, earlier in the year. That's a respectible result.

Right now we are doing all we can do to dump the bus (the messy dayz stickers have been removed) and get the fuck out of continental Europe. Soon pet, Soon.